No Regrets In Death
by Loveless1310
Summary: Tag to the last episode of season four and first episode of season five. What was Castiel thinking when and after he died?


Tag to the last episode of the fourth season and first episode of the fifth season. I'm apparently having withdraws from not having a new episode of Supernatural to watch. Only about three more weeks until the next new episode.

Sorry for any misspellings and grammatical errors.

Disclaimer: I wish I owned Supernatural but sadly, I don't.

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No Regrets in Death

I remember the intensity of the light that descended upon the house. I remember that the new prophet Chuck was trembling beside me. Foolish, I thought, the prophet had nothing to fear. Raphael was after me. He would not harm the human.

But maybe he was not trembling out of fear of the angel. Maybe, it was out of fear for the world. He knew that Lucifer would rise tonight, regardless of my choice to help Dean. He knew the world would soon be over.

It lasted slightly longer then I had anticipated, the battle between myself and my elder brother. He tried to change my mind first. Tried once again to convince me that what they were now doing was right.

He said he didn't want to kill me but I found no truth in his words. He did not care if I lived or died. I was one of thousands. And so, he destroyed me. Ripped me from my vessel and completely killed Jimmy Novak as his body was burst.

There was pain. Something I had never felt before. I also felt regret that my host had to die but that was short lived. After a few moments, I felt nothing.

I awoke in what I think the humans would call limbo. It was cold and dark and so unlike anything I had ever experienced before. There didn't seem to be much around and it seemed I was completely alone. It was not a place I enjoyed.

I think time passed differently there because it seemed like I spent an eternity there. It gave me much time to think over what had happened in the last year since I had pulled Dean from Hell.

It had started subtly, I suppose. I started to believe in Dean more then my own siblings. I found that I was willing to follow Dean's orders as easily as my own fathers. I trusted the eldest Winchester with my life.

He was my very first friend and I was not sure if I understood what that meant until the end. And my brothers used that against me.

When they took me away from my vessel they threatened me with his salvation. I couldn't let him go back to Hell because I started to doubt them. They were going to send him back to Hell and yet, he still fought. He still went against their orders. Their plans.

That's why I found the strength to rebel. If he was going to risk everything to save this world then how could I refuse to help him. I would do it again if given the chance. I would give up everything to help him save the world from my siblings. This is the conclusion I came to as I wondered in the darkness that was limbo.

It seemed like forever from when I first showed up to when I heard the voice calling to me. It was soft and musical. The most beautiful voice I had ever heard. It led me through the darkness. I was brought to a light that was much like Raphael's when he killed me except it was warm and inviting and not threatening.

The voice told me that I was needed on Earth and that my job was not yet complete. Dean still needed a guardian angel on his side to help him fight both the angels and the demons. I was needed and that gave me strength.

I called upon the pieces of my vessel, helped by the soothing light, and was able to put it back together in perfect condition. The only problem was that the original host was gone. I was not able to recover Jimmy Novak's soul to place back in the body. It was now just an empty shell for me to take.

I was sad for the loss of the host but it was for the best that he was gone. What I would have to face in the future he wouldn't want to witness. No one would.

I was finally free from the darkness once the body was complete. I found myself back on earth in the exact place where I had returned Dean's soul to his body. If I had had the time I would have contemplated the meaning of this phenomenon. But once I opened my eyes I found that Dean and Sam were in trouble.

They had been cornered by Zachariah and they didn't seem to be doing well. I could feel Sam was close to death and Dean was in immense pain. I flew to them as fast as I could.

I had never killed one of my brothers before and in one night I had killed two and threatened my superior. All for the sake of two humans. But, I would not to change my actions if I were given the choice.

These two brothers were the only real salvation this world had, even if one was meant to do evil things. They would find a way to save the world, and I would do everything in my power to help them succeed.

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Hope you guys enjoyed it^^ I know I liked writing it.


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